Make up, break up, make up, break up…
This was my never ending pattern when it came to my relationships for a long time. I was a slave to the famous heartthrob and didn’t know any better. I could get into further detail but let us leave that for another day.
Time has inevitably passed and I’ve definitely changed (hopefully for the better). In this article I want to give you a view of where I currently am regarding my relationship status and also talk about why I am here.
In the past three weeks or so I have been flooded with the question, “why aren’t you in a relationship?” Its’ really weird that people seem to be asking me this all at the same time. I really don’t mind answering this question, in fact I actually enjoy answering these types of questions.
To each person I gave a reply, I said what I’m going to say to you here. So I’m going to imagine that you the reader are asking me this question as I give an answer.
Meet a friend of mine, a big man standing at about 6.2ft with a huge voice and hands that could knock you out even before they make contact with your face (cool right). Anyway this friend of mine is also a pastor of Grace Family Baptist Church in Spring, Texas. If you haven’t guessed it already the man I’m talking about is none other than Voddie Baucham. I have mad love and respect for Mr. Baucham, and have had the privilege of meeting and getting to know him. You may be wondering why I would bring him up when this article is about why I am not in a relationship, and I can assure you that there’s a good explanation for this. A few years ago, Mr. Baucham wrote a book titled “What He Must Be: If He Wants to Marry My Daughter”. That’s a really tough title right and probably has some of you fellas running scared even before you’ve opened the book. In this book he basically lays out the standard or measure of a man before he can say his vows. If you’ve never read it make sure you get it. Whether you’re male or female, young or old make sure you read it. This book has taught me a lot and has helped me refine standards that I’m aiming at as a man who is still young (even though I don’t absolutely agree with everything the book had to say, but that’s another story.)
The reason I brought up Voddie Baucham and his book is because currently I’m on a journey in my life titled “What I Must Be: Before I Get into a Relationship”. My measure or standard is not an adaption of Mr. Bauchams’ book, it is my own, (of course slightly influenced by the book and many others).
Since I was young I’ve always had a desire to get married young, and when I became a Rebelutionary that desire became stronger and more defined. My journey in manhood has been influenced by the idea of marriage, and I often asked myself questions about what kind of husband I wanted to be and as I started to define that I came to a realization that I needed to start being that person right now. A spiritual leader, A man of character with Integrity, discipline and responsibility, a financial provider, etc. These are some things I want to be as a husband and as a single man right now. We’ll come back to the point I’m trying to make here but for now lets move on to my next point.
One of my favorite love stories is the story of Isaac and Rebekah, it perfectly illustrates the point I want to make here. I’m not going to narrate the whole story, but if you want to read it check out Genesis 24. I want to focus on Rebekahs side of the story for a minute. Meet Rebekah, a hard working young woman with a heart to serve, and I can imagine that she was really beautiful too. Since she was young Rebekah would go to draw water from the well every evening for her family. One particular evening as she was on her way to the well she saw a man with several camels at the well and as she went closer the man started to speak to her asking her to feed his camels, and she willingly obliged. To make the long story short that very act found her a husband in Isaac, as the man at the well was Abrahams’ (Isaacs’ father) servant. The point I want to make here is that Rebekah did not go out of her way to find a husband; she was just diligently doing her work every single day. Her act of consistent obedience was rewarded with a husband, and we can learn a lesson from this. All to often we leave our front and go looking for that “special someone”, and usually (whether long term or short term) get shot down.
I want to address something at this point that I have observed and don’t quite get. Personally I do not believe in ‘hunting’ or ‘looking for someone’ for several reasons:
1. It distracts us from what we are supposed to be doing at the present time in life (learn a lesson from Rebekah)
2. Relationships that start like this are usually (mostly) recreational and end in disappointment.
3. It becomes an avenue for pretense between the two parties. Dudes are gonna dress up and spit whatever game they got. Ladies will do something similar. My point is, to impress each other both parties gotta pretend.
Those are just a few problems I’ve seen, if you want me to get into more detail get at me and I’ll explain further. I’ve highlighted a few problems, but I’ve always learnt that if you identify a problem you gotta find solutions. Here are some solutions:
1. Diligently work hard in your respective vocations to Gods glory
2. I believe that all relationships should have a strong foundation in friendship (with no intention) and that grows into a stronger or deeper friendship and gradually grows into something more and I’m talking about courtship here (I intentionally use the word courtship here to separate it from recreational dating, the word doesn’t matter, its all about the practice). A foundation of friendship is also a remedy for pretense as you get to know and more importantly SEE each other do life.
Coming to conclusion I want to marry my two points in my own life.
I am working at becoming a better man (a man after Gods heart) everyday, because I see this as my full time vocation. I’m gonna keep serving in my church, keep doing music, keep working hard at school, keep wanting to grow, and ultimately be a better worshiper of my God. As I faithfully work at what God has given me, I am gonna keep trusting Him to bring my Eve. I’m not looking for her because I know where she is, she’s in Christ and that’s where I’ll find her. I’m working at being a great husband for her, and can’t wait to meet her, but I have to be patient and trust God. I can tell you that it is hard, and everyday I battle with trying to practice what I know (especially when I meet amazing ladies). By The Kings grace I will persevere, so help me God. I hope this has encouraged someone out there.